WHY IS THIS SO HARD???

I am sitting here wondering where the last 27 days have gone. It seems like just yesterday that Mom passed yet it has been 27 days. I went to the cemetery on Friday night, hoping that it would make things easier but it just made everything just that much more real to me. I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to live without Mom, I don't know where to turn when I want to tell Mom something important and exciting. My mind never shuts down, I hardly sleep, I cry and I grief. I mourn for the loss of a wonderful mother, a gorgous woman and a loving friend.

I went to the cemetery on Friday night with Sandy. Wow, that was difficult. I had not realized just how hard it would be. I wanted to lie down on her site and cry. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, I wanted to hear her tell me she loves me just one more time. I know she was there in spirit. Sandy and I had fun making fun of Nan and Gramp about having Aunt Amy (Sandy's Mom) a very short 4 months after they had been married...lol...

I had a nice chat with Mack last night. It was great to unload on him... The one person I trust enough to unload on is no longer talking to me apparently. I have heard from him once in the last month... Great friend eh? Mack says he's a loser and that's what Mack has been telling me for 2 years now... I didn't realize how much this person's friendship truly meant to me until he stopped talking to me this past month or so... So on this issue, I will agree with Mack, this person is a loser.

Mack also told me it was far too early in the morning in Cyprus to have a deep meaningful conversation with him...lol... Hey, I needed to talk something out and ask a man's opinion on certain things... Mack also told me that I cannot do anything about someone's feelings for me... And that includes someone telling me that he or she loves me when he or she should not.

Well, that's about it... Oh wait no, Tammy got a new job. I am so excited for her. I know she'll do well and enjoy every moment of it.

So, til next time, enjoy and be safe.