IT IS DONE, IT IS OVER

After much thought and even more tears, I sent an email off to Nelson. I told him exactly what I think of him and then proceeded to block and delete him from both facebook and MSN. One door closes and another opens. He was the only person I trusted 100% with everything inside of me and he has turned out to be the worst kind of friend. I do not need a fairweather friend, I need a friend who will stick with me through thick and through thin. Like I told Sandy last night, even when Mack was overseas, with a 6 hour difference between us, HE managed to find time to email me, come on MSN and had his mother pray for our family in July when my life went to hell in a hand basket. Nelson hasn't even had enough respect for me as a person to so much as speak to me for more than a few minutes. Of course there are people who would have told me that my friendship with him would end badly since he didn't even have enough respect for me as a person to tell his fiancee about me. So, FUCK him. I do not need a fairweather friend.

On a brighter note, my friend Jellybean is 6 weeks along. I am so happy for her. She is such an amazing mom and will continue to be one. She leaves in 2 weeks for Ottawa for a minimum of 5 years... Effin military...lol...

Well, I don't have much else to write about tonight. I am going to make myself a snack and go to bed. I have had a long week, some good some bad parts... The good parts were spending time with my chicklettes, listening to Brookie giggle, read and have fun brightened my day, lightened my soul and made my heart overflow with love.

So, til next time, be safe and enjoy.

Maybe one day I will find peace in my soul, maybe one day the world be alright, maybe one day I will be able to face the day without needing happy pills. Until that day arrives, I will continue to live minute by minute.

I spent Saturday night at outpatients. I had a 4 day old migraine that just would not quit. I finally came to the end of my rope and arranged a drive. I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours and finally I got fed up with waiting and said to the clerk, "I either need to see a doctor or I have to go home. The noise is making everything worse, I am starting to see black spots in front of my vision and the pain is now behind my eyes." The clerk went and got a nurse who took me out back and attempted to hook me up to an IV. When I say attempted, that is exactly what I mean. Right hand, blew the vein, left hand blew the vein, left arm blew the vein, finally I asked that she put it in my foot and voila she hit the vein dead on and I finally had the drugs flowing through my veins.

I woke up Sunday morning fine but by yesterday I was even worse than when I went to outpatients. Far too many people came to visit and too much noise bothers me, it makes me jittery and want to throw myself out of the nearest window. I finally ran to the bathroom and hid in the shower for a while. I guess people do not understand when I say "I have a migraine and cannot handle all this noise".

The man who adopted me and was married to my mom wants nothing more to do with me... Here is what I think about that... "So what? He hasn't wanted anything to do with me for years. All he does is order me around, make me feel as if I am his slave and belittle me and my feelings."... So, good riddance to bad rubbish. I do not have the time, the energy or the will to do will anyone else. I am having a hard enough time dealing with my own personal demons without adding more to the list.

So, next Tuesday I have a procedure scheduled. A colonoscopy with biopsies. I am beginning to worry and focus too much on it. Dr. Winsor is certain that I have microscopic colitis. Hopefully she is right and I can get on the proper medications to control it. It would be nice not to have to worry about every little morsel of food I put into myh mouth.

On Sunday my little brother showed up with his daughter for a surprise visit with Auntie Liz. It was so great to hold her, cuddle her and talk to her without worrying about her mother hearing every word, watching every move. Brenton will soon be having her 3 days one week and 4 days the next. It will be court ordered therefore the mother cannot tell him he is not allowed to have time with Jaida.

Well that's about it I guess. I don't have much more to say. So, take a look at my other blog http://elizabeth-munroe.spaces.live.com/default.aspx and that is where you will find the most up to date information on my life... I will be posting the exact message to it as I have here. I do not have the time nor the inclination to attempt at another blog entry.