LIFE GOES ON...OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I AM TOLD

When I updated my blog a month ago, I did not expect life to change drastically. I did not expect my Mom to pass away. On July 21st, the family and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives. We had to decide when to turn the ventilator off, watch my beautiful Mama slowly fade away and be taken home to God, Nanny and Grampie. There are no words to describe the pain, emptiness and ache inside of me. My heart will never be whole again. My Mom had a hard life. She was just a baby herself bringing me into this world. At fifteen years of age my mother found herself pregnant and alone. She chose not to take the easy road by having an abortion or giving me up for adoption. She instead chose the hardest road by giving me life and giving me all of her love. She was an amazing woman, a wonderful mother and someone I will always love, respect and honour. My heart is shattered into a million little pieces and will never be repaired. Everyone says that time heals all wounds but right now I cannot see this wound healing.

As next of kin, my responsibilities did not end with the funeral. I still have to deal with the paperwork, still deal with cancelling all of her appointments, shutting down her accounts, everything. I await for the autopsy results and my Aunt Amy, Mom's oldest sibling, will be there with me when they are available. We will know at that point exactly the cause of Mom being taken from us at the tender age of 50.

I am very thankful for all the family and friends I have. Everyone of them have been there for me, supporting me, holding me up, helping me up, making sure that my depression does not grab hold of me and take me into the depths of it. My heart and soul ache to hug Mom just one more time, to have her yell at me just one more time, to tell her I do love her just one more time. Never can anyone replace her. I have some wonderful women in my life who can be there as a mom but no one can replace her.

My beautiful niece, Nikita started a group on facebook in memory of Mom. So many wonderful people have commented, leaving funny stories about Mom, memories, everything. If ever you want to take a look, feel free, here is the link http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/group.php?gid=102451606867&ref=mf .

I am lucky to have had such an amazing mother, even more lucky for having everyone who loved her love me in return. We had an amazing service for her. She was surrounded in red, everyone who attended the service was wearing red, had a piece of red on or was carrying something red. Red being Mom's favorite colour and her always wanting a red bedroom but never having the money to have one. I know she was looking down upon us all as we shared our grief, our love, our souls and our memories of her that day.

Before the tears really begin to fall, I am going to end this with one final thing. Never again will there be a woman as amazing as my Mom. Even if you didn't know her personally or like her, you had to respect her for who she was, what she accomplished and what she stood for. She was well respected and even more so loved. RIP my beautiful Mama. I love and miss you more with each passing breath and heartbeat.